Chapter 17: Freedom from Social Constraints-Absorption in Lord Krishna's Seva (Usha Bahenji's Birth Anniversary: 30th July,2026)

Rivers Don't Drink Their Own Water

True knowledge (understanding of the identity of the self with the ultimate Brahman) is the harbinger of tenderness, modesty and contentment. Usually rivers do not drink their own water and trees do not savour their own fruits. Their lifespan is for the service of others and the same holds true of saints. These eminent personages do not long for prestige and jealousy does not exist in their lives. Not concerned about worldly fame they work for the well-being of others. Firstly, they are not embroiled in any controversy and withdraw, on sensing any such issue.

India Gains Independence

Such an incident cropped up in Bahen ji's life but being self-effacing she moved away from the scene. Though she basically led a spiritual life she had to conscientiously do several tasks. India had become independent and thus she was  mentally engaged in patriotism and work of the Congress. On the other end she had won great acclaim in the field of poetry. Rivalry invariably creeps in when there is competition between two stalwarts in one domain.

A grown-up daughter of another family in Ambala Cantonment, I would not like to name her, was very fond of writing poetry. Undoubtedly she wrote well but there was no comparison to Bahen ji's compositions.

Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

It has been seen that recognition eludes those who pursue it while blessing those who are least interested in it. Bahen ji's verses, sensitivity of feeling and sentiments were spontaneous and moving.Her fame gnawed at them and led to the family becoming envious of her. Soon after,Bahen ji came to know of the scene and could not tolerate their plight due to her. The way Chaitanya Mahaprabhu had thrown his nyaya granth into the billowing waves of Maa Jahnavi, Bahenji resigned from her societal designations.In any case she had left the chairmanship of Congress and was absorbed in attending to Thakurji.

"She will go overseas and get exceptional fame there,"Shri Keshav Anand,a competent pandit, had predicted on seeing her horoscope.

 It was likely that she would travel abroad in her political career.

Several Congress workers who were Bahen ji's colleagues have held important posts in the state and central government.The astrologer had affirmed that if she did not go to foreign lands then she would spend her life as an accomplished saint steeped in exclusive devotion. That is precisely what happened; sacrificing fame she lived as a stoic which was extremely tough in the fast- paced temporal plane.

Lord Jagannath, Baladeva & Subhadra

She had revealed after darshan of Lord Jagannath in Jagannath Puri and a dip in the ocean that the possibility of going overseas had been fulfilled by sighting the ocean.

Shri Thakur Seva

Wheras bhakti is considered superior to knowledge, the upasna of Lord Ram and Lord Krishna has been accepted as the chief mode of devotion. The svarupa, individual idol, we serve with dedication becomes a living presence.The enigmatic blue-hued Krishna manifests and has a living divine presence right there (In seva the devotee attends selflessly, without expectation of reward, to the needs of the Lord, and glorifies Him by assuming a particular relationship with Him.)

Shri Bhaktmal

Seva is one of the twenty-four religious observances propagated by Shri Nabha ji the composer of 'Bhaktmal'. Shastras and Puranas have also endorsed this mode of worship. When we are absorbed in service it transforms into love invading our hearts. Making us aware of the handsome god's presence it developes into an all-consuming intimacy with Krishna. And soon after, we relish His ardently passionate conversation, contact and, and ...

After her resignation, It so happened, that Usha Bahen ji's daadi (paternal grand mother)passed away. She had already taken over serving Thakurji during her grand mother's infirm state. Now she gleefully accepted the entire regime of service with a certain freshness. Right from waking up Thakurji, doing His shringar, offering bhog, singing His glories and shayan, putting Him to sleep, Bobo had the good fortune of attending to all His needs.Her father and sisters would take over at times when she had to foray out for work.

Shri Usha Bahenji Takes Over Seva of Shri Radha-Krishna, the Family's Yugal Sarkar

 No one had the competence to fathom her seva bhava. Not merely a duty, it involved her mind, tugged her heart and entrusted the soul while the body obediently followed the system. Time passed by in pampering and doting on Thakurji. The wealth of her life Radha-Krishna, the Yugal Sundar, would grant a new lease of life with their sweet gestures and passionate assurances when she went around, doing her duties and teaching at school.

Shri Sushila Bahen i,a close friend, would often help out with the seva.

" What do you people keep doing for so long?" sometimes her father would intervene 

But no one can imagine the connection between the loving tenderness of a woman and adorable Radha-Krishna, since a woman's love for her Lord or husband is the only greatest possible love.

Saints Easily Reach the State of Oneness with Lord Krishna

So steeped in the love of Krishna are their hearts and so pure are their thoughts, that while others may only aspire to reach the state of oneness with the Lord, these simple saints have already attained it. After Sushila Bahen ji's venturing to Ambala again, the joy of seva which Usha ji was relishing by herself escalated further.

Chapter 16: Ushaji's Upasana, her Mode of Worship (Usha Bahenji's Birth Anniversary: 30th July, 2026)

Usha Bahenji's Yugal Sarkar

Attaining God is easily accessible by upasna or sitting near your isht . Bobo were so instinctively close that she had developed an all-consuming intimacy with Him ( herThakurji).

If Krishna is the repository of madhurya, Bobo was equally tender in expressing and experiencing her love for Krishna, which was the form of her worship.The Supreme Lover is passionately drawn by such hungering devotees.

The Pushti Marg

Shri Nabha ji, the composer of 'Bhaktmal', propagated upasna, service to Krishna's svarupa, which allows the life of the devotee to interact with that of the Lord. It remains the primary form and expression of devotion in the Pushti Marg.

Gaudiya Upasana of Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

Usha ji's passionate love for Krishna lay within the norms of the shastras and acharyas. In Vaishnavism, all men and women in the world are said to be spiritually women and the Lord alone is male, because a woman's love for her lord or husband is the only greatest possible love. One can observe an effortless convergence of Acharya Ramanuj's thought process, Shri Vyasdev Acharya's moving nikunj upasna, the doting seva of Acharya Vallabh and Goswami Vithhalnath as well as their inimitable madhur upasna, and the Gaudiya Upasna of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu in her religious devotion.

Shri Radha-Krishna's Nikunj Vihar

This great saint of Braj neither confined madhur rasa nor raved about nitya vihar and considered nikunj upasna the basis of rasa relishing. The parakiya form of love expressed through one's status as parakiya, who is a woman married to another but yet in love with Krishna makes one's love free from the constraints of marriage. Similarly, nikunj vihar is steeped in Radha-Krishna's romantic dalliance in the bowers of Vrindavan.Her sublimation of sensual feelings to spiritual desires and related heightening of spiritual experience was well within the contexts of religious aspiration in a land of highly restrictive social constraints.

 Krishna Wearing the Vaijanti Mala & Playing the Flute

Loving tenderness of the dark-hued god captivated her. Wearing the vaijayanti mala (flower garland) and playing the mellifluous flute He crossed her threshold and she was drawn in delicious anguish to His side.

Krishna grants frution according to the bhava with which we sing His glories. There are as many methods of religious devotion as there are Vaishnavas. Bobo was always absorbed in madhurya bhakti,the sentiment of sweet romance and got loving assurances from Krishna at every step.

Manasi Ganga, Goverdhan

I recall Shri Priya Sharan Das. 

Residing at Goverdhan, the renowned saint of Braj had once remarked," The refrains of religious sects, their supremacy, style and path is for the elementary sadhakas or devotees."

Bobo believed that in the constant proximity of Radha-Krishna all rasas, bhavas and paths merge, and are symbolic of the terrifying love of Krishna which invades our hearts. When we offer ourselves to the Supreme Lover with energy and joyfulness and love it is known as our bhava.

 

Cowherd Krishna with His Soft-Eyed Cows

Revered Bobo expresses at one instance," My ardent longing is not calmed by Your aishwarya or divine majesty.I am fascinated by You as a cowherd of Braj when you go off with other gopas to graze the soft eyed cows that are the wealth of yYur village.Your form as Radha's Lover, wearing the mor mukut and enrapturing the world with a slight smile and roving eyes, becomes You most of all. You may be worshipped by others as divine incarnate but for me you are the teasing, elusive and insistent paramour."

Nij Svaroop and Nitya Svaroop

Assuming the Gopi Bhava & Sakhi Bhava

Krishna's divine play is lacking without the gopi bhava and sakhi bhava, which are synonymous. Gopis are said to be of two kinds; one is sadhan siddha attained by constant devotion and the other is nitya siddha or eternally present. When Krishna incarnated in Vrindavan, the eternal parikar of Gaulok also manifested along with Him. Gopis are the kayavyuhas or replications of Radha Rani. All sects and scriptures have acclaimed Lalita Sakhi as the primary sakhi and closest to Shri Radha.

Let us study the experiences of Bobo to understand how much entry she could gain into the most intimate transcendenal exchanges of Radha-Krishna. Lying down for some time after kirtan in the morning was a part of her regime; in isolation she would relish their amorous frolics and participate in their playfull dalliance.

Once a reminiscence tugged her in this state. She saw," Her manifest self transform into her divine form. She was wearing a flashy lehenga and radiant kanchuki, a veil was draped around her head, hands were loaded with bangles, kundals adorned her ears, and a zone of bells sounding with ravishing melody were tied around her waist. Impassioned by the elusiveness of youth, she was wandering in a wild forest in search of the sakhis. Bewildered, she peeped into one nikunja after another with her anklets tinkling in quick succession.

Shri Radha-Krishna Sitting on a Boulder

On the other front,  sakhis flashily dressed were frantically searching for her. All of a sudden passing by the nikunja posited on the left, they met this sakhi (Bobo). Two of the sakhis moved ahead and holding Bobo's hand, embraced her. Others laughed in joyous abandon and hugged her. Chatting about love escapades ,the sakhis took her to Priya-Priyatam sitting on a clean sofa-like boulder.

Lifting both their arms Radha-Krishna sprang up joyously on seeing this beloved sakhi. Bringing her close, they doted on her. Placing her between both her beautiful legs,Kishori Radha rocked her for some time and soon after made her sit by her side. Holding her hand, She gave it in the Supreme Lover's lotus hands.

Dark-hued Krishna Placates His Intimate Sakhi

Ardently Krishna placated His intimate sakhi's irrepressible longing in that transcendental moment.

I am presenting a letter written by Bobo to her handsome Krishna in a dairy. 

She wrote," I was sitting in the kirtan at night, when a strange woman's question startled me." 

Are you married Bahen?" 

Amazingly I nodded my head in the affirmative. 

"Where does he live?" Came next. 

I regained my composure and some force made me reply,"Here."

Smiling she insisted that I must make her meet him.

Taken aback, I was amused at her eagerness," Certainly but after the kirtan gets over."

I stood up in embarrasment and she got up too.(Probably it was Your divine play that she made personal inquiries even on being a stranger) Taking her I stood at Your threshold since You are my very essence. But what next?

Shri Radha-Krishna Smile

I stood rooted but your laughter and Priyaji's mysterious smile were not hidden from me. Probably assuming me to be insane, and gullible and miraculously because of you the Bahen left. When I returned she had vanished."

Shri Krishna Lifts His Sakhi

Similarly once perturbed Bobo ran into the temple and stood in front of Thakurji's Shrine. He appeared even on the doors being shut and lifting her took her inside. She narrated the incident to Sushila Bahen ji whom she had met in 1948. In frenzied ecstasy, Ushaji shrieked with joy at this contact. She was lying down when her body sprang up about two feet in the air and she was oblivious. Flustered, Sushila Bahen ji began chanting the mahamantra loudly to pacify her and gradually Bobo became conscious.

The Lotus Feet of Shri Krishna

She writes at one instance." Yes, I remember clearly! You were harsh by fervently involving me in worldly cares but occasionally made me relish your captivating madhurya to assure me of Your support. You recollect the day my Beloved, when alarmed by the pitch dark world, frightened I fled like a thief and fell down in your temple (garbhgriha). Instantly You flung open Your doors and made me sit at Your feet. Sheltering me from everyone, You brought me absolutely close to you.Tell me the truth, have you forgotten that day."

It so happened that once after the early morning kirtan, Bobo lay down. She saw the breeze of Basant tugged the heart strings of beautiful maidens. Spring is a harbinger of the escapades of Braj Balas, making them relish Krishna's romantic sentiments.

The Site of Vasant Utsav

'Yes, Bobo saw the site of Basant Utsav (holi). Nature is glorified by the fragrance of yellow flowers and seems flirtatious. It is the dark grey of early morn. The sun god slowly reflected a reddish glow in the eastern direction.The site is enclosed by trees and there is an open courtyard in the centre.

At one end is a bower decorated with creepers and bushes. Hordes of sakhis are busy foraying to prepare for the madan utsav. One very delighted sakhi (Bobo) decked with a yellow kanchuki and crimson coloured lehenga,  with a pink dupatta draped over the kanchuki, with tinkling anklets arrives. She is holding red gulal in a shining platter with joyous abandon.

She just manages a foothold when Krishna, the colour of the condensed sky, sneaks in from behind and holds her hand. Shyly she screws her eyebrows and turns to look backwards. Her eyes are filled with the langour of love and she blushes. A smile plays on her lips and the elation of that moment is inexpressible.'

Svamini Kishori ji

Revered Bobo would call out to Kishori ji as svamini. Feeling intensely close to her, Radha Rani asked her to address Her in a more intimate manner.

Once while doing sankirtan Bobo saw her divine body as separate from her individual self.Heavily adorned with finery, she was sitting beside Radha Rani on a boulder. Resting her head, Shri Radha was pampering her while handsome Krishna hidden behind a dense tree was watching the scene. Priya ji beckoned with Her eyes and the Supreme Lover stepped out.

The Three of Them are a Single Entity

The three of them sat engrossed for a while as three distinct bodies but in essence a single entity. Construing Krishna's desire for a loving relationship with Bobo, Priya ji went to the nearby nikunja and dark Krishna continued sitting. A passionate dalliance ensued with the sakhis also relishing the scene.

The matter dates back to 1967 when revered Bobo took a vow of silence or maun as a mark of love for Radha-Krishna.The entire day was spent in pampering Shyama-Shyam and attending to their needs. In the evening she would wander out for the closeness of Shri Yamunaj i.

In the last week of September 1967 Bobo sat absorbed on the sandy banks of the Yamuna for hours. All of a sudden she got up and headed home. Unknowingly she turned towards the Shri Radha Raman Mandir and kept walking.

Shri Radha Raman ji

Having darshan of Radha Ramanji she was delighted. Not yet satisfied she kept waiting for the temple doors to open again and saw,'There is an extremely beautiful enclave which has an oval shaped line of dense trees. Bobo in her divine form is sitting on an attractive platform posited in the centre. She peeps behind trees and is eagerly seeking Priya-Priyatam. The dark grey evening is captivating.

Dark-hued Krishna Hugs His Sakhi

Standing in a dance posture Bobo is expectant when tip toing from the back handsome Krishna embraces and startles her. Meanwhile holding on to both ends of His pitambar and in a similar dance posture, Krishna is frivolously resting His head against hers. Lifting her with one of His arms He takes her into a nearby nikunja bathed in milky whiteness,. A rounded radiant courtyard is present for Radha-Krishna to sit on. Spirited Priya ji can be seen coming from behind a cluster of trees.

Dotingly Radha Rani rests Her head on Bobo while the Supreme Lover places His left hand on Priyaji's shoulder.All three seem lost in an amorous frolic longing for yet more. Regaining her composure,Bobo is grateful,particularly to Kishoriji. It seemed She had organised this escapade intentionally. She makes Priya-Priyatam sit on the site fabricated for them. Instantly several sakhis dressed in colourful finery arrive from the neighbouring thickets. Bobo is sure they would tease her and sits right at the back, delighted yet sceptical.They spot her and amuse Priya-Priyatam with their banter.'

She had no inkling when the darshan opened and got up to leave in a trance. The episode continued and she saw heavily adorned Sushila Bahen ji en route. In her divine form, she was carrying a platter of paan (betel leaf) and offering it to Shyama-Shyam. No one can say how long Bobo relished the deeper ecstasies of devotion.

The instinctive bhava of a person and seva is known as bhakti or religious devotion. When upasna, the mode of worship,  transforms in to personal experience, one reaches the heights of elation and ecstasy.

Dark-hued Krishna is Human As Well as Divine

Bobo endorsed the doctrine that Krishna is very much in and of this world but yet He is above it, He is human and yet divine, a mere mortal in love with the gopis of Vrindavan but essentially divine, sensuous but also pointing to the spiritual aspect of romantic love. And when there is this intimacy of Krishna through love there is no need for either contemplation or devotion that is generally reserved for god realization.The ultimate lesson for the devotees of Krishna is that the search for the other is the search for the self.The multiple is ultimately one.

Searching for purity and peace, the greatest of saints can sight Krishna, the Supreme Lover, due to their energy and joyfulness and love where there is no place for societal constraints. Love and religious observances are strung together but at times love surpasses devotional practices.

Bobo was steeped in madhurya bhakti. Her pathos of longing was appeased by the joy of belonging. She was replete with the gopi bhava and knew that Krishna abided in her heart when she sang His praise and dwelt in her longing for Him.

Chapter 15: Ushaji Resigns as Principal-Thakurji Ascertains That it is Time to Cast off Worldly Bonds (Usha Bahenji's Birth Anniversary: 30th July,2026)

With tenderness and teasing, mischief and spontaneity, Krishna passionately draws His hungering devotees. A heart steeped in His madhurya , exuded through His acts and gestures, His words and His flute, His clothes and His sports can not be interested in the mundane.

Bobo ji's Yugal Sarkar, Shri Radha-Krishna

Shri Radha-Krishna the Yugal Sarkar or sacred couple were a witness to Bobo's activities and reigned over her devotional imagination.

Bobo ji was Drawn to Dark-hued Krishna

Ushaji was thirty years old now. Singing the glories of Krishna, she felt like discarding all other social constraints.Isolation would often make her sit in close proximity to Shri Thakur in maun, a vow of absolute silence. The dark-hued god was observing her desire to move in delicious anguish for union with her teasing, elusive and insistent paramour.

Yearning to Serve Krishna's Lotus Feet

Probably the matter dates back to September 1955, when He fixed the time span as one and a half years for her to be detached from all fronts. She could envision the idyllic and sensuous Vrindavan  where the lyrical Yamuna flows and the perfect landscape is besprinkled with the dust of Krishna's feet.

Perennial Quest of Mankind for Divine Love

The examination days seemed like decades.

 "Soon, I will be released from these refrains and spend time in attending to the needs of Thakurji. I will pester Him, cajole Him, adorn Him, pamper Him and develop an all-consuming intimacy with the Lord. For several years His loving tenderness helped me fulfill my responsibilities," she would muse."

Doing duties relegated by Krishna, she was focused on the perennial quest of mankind for a divine and transcendental love. Another birthday passed by in this process and her departure drew closer.

Possibly this was the last year and final session of her regime at the school. She submitted her resignation to the managing committee. It seemed as if lightning had struck. The matter was concealed and had just reached the teachers. Teary-eyed and perturbed they went to Bahen ji. The committee made an indefatigable endeavour to convince her but in vain. Throngs of people headed towards her.Seeing love streaming down their eyes and their plight, she silently reassured them.

Slowly this issue leaked to the students. The whole lot ran from their classes and wept with sobs wracking their frames. The day had dawned with joyous ecstasy for Bahen ji but had dampened several hearts with dejection. Hordes of girls ran to question Bahen ji about her decision but could not muster courage on seeing her serious demeanour.

Shri Billavmangal ji & Child Krishna

It rarely happens that rasikas steeped in the love of the handsome god, who have relished the joy of Vrindavan's blossoming kunjas and winding creepers caressing the trunks of trees, who have savoured the tribhang form of Krishna, waiver from their stand. Shri Billavmangal ji Maharaj affirms that compassion can impede those who want to live a life dedicated to Krishna, the colour of the condensed sky. 

Nature was Numbed & Chirping Birds Quietened

It was quite late. Bahen ji got up and headed home. The sound of sobbing could be heard, nature was numbed and the chirping of birds was quietened.The satsang bhavan where leelas of Krishna had been narrated for ages, strived to attract her. The trees and creepers seemed to lament the painful separation.The empty classes, four-walled office, chairs and tables posited there were silently grieved. As revered Bahen ji got up to leave her saree got entangled in a shrub. It seemed as if the plant was trying to stop her with its spirited antic as the last resort.

The scene had not yet settled. Loving towards students,she was not merely a teacher but their sister, mother and a well-meaning friend. Along with education she sowed the seeds of spirituality and even those who were not inclined towards religious devotion were blessed by her presence.

The Shivalaya and enclave of five deities, who were familiar to her scurrying around, doing several parikramas and her proximity, watched stupefied.

Shri Lakshmi-Narayan

Resplendent in their temple, Laxmi-Narayan were visible in the Radha-Krishna form for her.Once fatigued she had come to this temple with devotees.Covering her with His patka or sash, Lord Narayan lifted her and took her into the shrine as Krishna.

The second day had dawned and everyone was wary about the outcome. 

One girl took up a banner and shouted slogans on assembling the students," Bring back Bahenji! You must give in,Bahenji." 

The campaign was led by Vimla Vaidh to Usha ji's residence. An uneasy silence loomed, soon after.

Bahen ji accepted their greetings and explained," I am here. All of you can drop in when convenient."

 Possibly this assurance succeeded in pacifying the surging resentment. Wiping tears, the girls left. A semblance of normalcy set in with this facility of interacting with Bahenji intact.

She was completely free from the workload of school now.The Sanatan Dharam Sabha had reluctantly accepted her resignation. Gradually her heart moved by the students' ardent entreaties was also calmed. Time was usually spent in Shri Thakur Seva and in recounting His divine play. She had never been interested in idle gossip.

While invigilating students who came to study, she saw a scene with eyes wide open." The girls were giving their examination when she sighted a new dalliance of Radha-Krishna simultaneously.

Handsome Krishna Doing Shri Radha's Shringar

"You,(handsome Krishna) were engrossed in doing Shr Radha's shringar while she was thrilled by your touch. After adorning and making Her go into a trance, You enacted several beautiful dance mudras to captivate Her. But these sakhis are no less shrewd and they caught You red-handed. The cowherds also spotted your secret move but gullible as they are, could not grasp a thing."

Reflecting on God and sighting His divine play is not destined but a matter of personal experience. Saints invariably see the dark-hued god wherever they look. Therefore her body, mind and eyes were apparently invigilating the students while relishing the amorous frolic of Radha-Krishna alongside. This joyous abandon can not be assayed by logic and neither does a man with inhibitions have any stand here.

Shri Vrindavan

One fine day seeing her passionate longing for Vrindavan her father opined," You can go to Vrindavan but return in two days." 

 She wanted to clarify that it would be tough to do so once she left but he would misunderstand. However it struck her that it was a perfect chance to depart hurriedly. .

She reflected," I have never done anything stealthily. I will leave for Vrindavan in the presence of everyone and only after taking permission." 

 The eldest, she shared a friendly rapport with her father due to her mature perspective. 

Once he made her promise," You will not go to Vrindavan as long as I am alive. And take me along, in case you do ."

Gullible at that point of time, she had conceded. Even on coming to Delhi, she thought of returning to Ambala. 

Supreme Lover Krishna

Being naive she firmly believed that if one had hiccups someone very dear was missing you. All of a sudden she remembered Krishna, the Supreme Lover and the hiccups stopped. Her absent-mindedness transformed in to the deeper ecstasies of devotion.

She wondered, " Does He truly remember us or bear us in mind?" But there was no need of any proof as of now.