Chapter 56: Shriji Thinks of Residing in Seclusion

Shri Maharajji

“ I have to go and reside in some secret place,”  Shri Maharajji had been saying for nearly the past two years

In 1988 he had asked members of his parikar  not to invite anyone for his birthday. He was becoming kind of indifferent because of ostentatious celebrations on his birthday.

Barwani

When he went to Barwani he told his devotees there, “This time you all do sankirtan in Barwani and do not come to Shri Dham on my birthday. I will not be in Vrindavan at that time.”

Letters were posted to devotees in Delhi, Punjab, Gujrat, Bulandshahr, Bhopal etc., and they were dissuaded from coming to Vrindavan. Earlier also, pointing to his actual svarupa, Shriji had written in a letter to devotees of his inner circle in Venu Vinod Kunj.. Its content is given below in exactly the same words:

 Shri Radha-Krishna in a Nikunja

Shri RadhaKrishnabhyam Namah

Hare Ram Hare Ram Ram Ram Hare Hare  |

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare ||

By the grace of God you are healthy, and I am also fine. It is tough to find out the day of my appearance. There is no chance of my ever separating from the closeness of Shri Yugal, the Divine Couple Shri Radha-Krishna, who dally in the nikunja. So how can we find out about my birth?

My permanence is there even in the permanent state of the sun and moon. Even dreaming of separating from the eternal romantic dalliance of Shri Radha-Krishna is never going to be possible.

What have I got to do with Gita Jayanti (Margashirsha Ekadashi, the day Shriji was born.)

Well wisher: Balkrishnadas

Shri Vrindavan

“Celebrate my birthday on a low profile otherwise I won't stay on here,” he had warned his close associates this time

Even though the festival was celebrated on a small scale as compared to other years, it was observed in a handsome way. Those who came every year on principle did turn up. The gathering of people was certainly less but there was no lack of joyous spirit among the devotees. 

Holi Utsav Celebrated in Shriji's Presence

Thereafter, the festival of Holi was also celebrated in Shriji's presence. The days of summer were spent as usual. Devotees of Barwani wanted to celebrate Guru Purnima in Shriji's proximity. Letters insisting that he come to Barwani began pouing in regularly. Shriji answered, refusing their invitation but urgings of the group of devotees kept increasing. 

 Nimar Region

 Finally all those people begged Shriji and said that if he did not come to them the devotees of Nimar would hire a couple of buses and come to Vrindavan. Seeing the extreme eagerness of Nimar's bhaktas, Shriji departed from Shri Dham even on not wanting to and reached Barwani on the morning of 12^th July, 1989. A non-stop sankirtan began from that very evening for seven days and ended on Guru Purnima. Thousands of devotees from Madhya Pradesh had gathered there to take part in the programme.

The festival of Guru Purnima was celebrated in a grand manner at Shri Motibhai's residence. Thereafter, a one day non-stop sankirtan was organised in Kukshi. Two years back when Shriji had gone to Kukshi for the first time and kept the proposal of sankirtan, the reputed gentry residing there was hesitant to accept it, but those very people had a new spiritual awakening with the impact of Shriji's pious influence. In the presence of Shriji the troupe of Barwani's devotees came to Kukshi and fervently did the non-stop sankirtan for a span of three days, thus establishing a daily practice of regularly having sankirtan at Kukshi.

Munsarim[1] Shri Narayan Rao was the first satsangi[2]of Shriji,who had come into contact with him fifty years ago.

 Kukshi

On Shriji's return from Kukshi he requested Shriji, “ My age is 87 years now and there isn't hope of my living much longer. One never knows whether I will be able to see you again or not. So if you keep a sankirtan which lasts for another 24 hours on my request it would make me very happy.”

Shriji accepted his supplication and had a sankirtan arranged for one more day, leaving for Shri Dham with Ghanshyamji after it came to an end.

He stayed at Radheshyamji Gupta's residence in Indore for three days.

Shriji was still driven by a passionate urge of going alone into seclusion.

“ You go to the Dham. I will roam around by myself for a few days and then come,” he told Ghanshyamji.

On Ghanshyamji's refusal to go to Shri Dham Shriji lost his temper and retorted, “ I shall go into seclusion quietly and secretly.”

Shri Dham Vrindavan

Somehow, Ghanshyamji persuaded him and got him to the Dham. Staying here for a few days he went to Kurukshetra to get medicine from Guruji. 

 Delhi

Thereafter, he stayed at Shri Lalji's residence in Delhi. His self- introspection was increasing day by day.

 

Gorakhpur

“ You go to Gorakhpur. I have to go into seclusion for a few days,” one fine day Shriji told Ghanshyamji,

“ Devotees of your inner circle in Vrindavan will reprimand me as to how did I allow you to go alone. You come to Vrindavan Dham and then do as you please,” replied Ghanshyamji.

So again he brought Shriji to the Dham.

 Jhulan Utsav

The Jhulan Utsav or swing festivalof the Shravan[3] month was happily performed under the presence of Shriji. The month of Bhadrapad[4] began. Shri Krishna Janmashtami was also celebrated with great joyous enthusiasm. Fifteen days were left for the festival of Shri Radhashtami. This year due to his mind being self-introspective Shriji was not inclined to go to Gorakhpur.

 Ghanshyamji deferred his going to Gorakhpur and telegraphed Savitri Bai, “ I will not be able to come due to Shriji's ill health” and in this way hinted that Shriji would not be able to come on Radhasthami.

When Shri Bai came to know that Shriji was not coming to Gorakhpur she sent Amichand's son Gopal to Vrindavan with a letter to bring Shriji to Gorakhpur. He came to Vrindavan and handed over Shri Bai's letter to Shriji, informing him about the entire situation in Gorakhpur.

Shri Maharajji in a Jovial Mood

Shriji had decided in his mind not to go but he did not tell anyone. A couple of days passed. He was in a mood of going into seclusion secretly, without anyone coming to know about it. That day Shri Maharajji was in a jovial mood right from the morning. He kept joking with everyone at tea time.  During the midday meal at 12 o'clock in the afternoon Shriji talked happily to everyone and had lunch as every other day. Besides, he took rest after lunch as was his daily routine. Closing the door of his chamber everyone went to their respective rooms.

Shriji would usually open his room’s door between 2:30 and 3PM, but that day it was 3 o'clock and the door was still shut. Thereupon, when Shri Devji went and  gently opened the door she saw that Shriji was not on his bed. She assumed that he had gone to relieve himself but the toilet light was off. When she went to Thakurji's (Ghanshyamji) room which was on the other side Shriji was not to be found there.

“Where is Maharajji?” she asked Ghanshyamji

He got up with a start. I was in my room upstairs. Ghanshaymji looked all over the place but Shriji was nowhere to be found. Seeing the back door of the house ajar everyone was stunned and ran in all directions. Someone ran to the bus stand, someone else to Chhatikara Road and another one of us ran to the railway station but could find no sign of him. 

I

Mathura Station

went to Mathura Station and found that Ghanshyamji was already there. We searched whichever train we suspected but it was all in vain. 

Soon after, we came across a known taxi driver near the Vrindavan bus stand. “Shri Maharajji was asking me if I would take him? On my acceptance he replied,' I will come back in a short while, and headed towards the path which leads to Mathura,' ” he revealed

 Venu Vinod Kunj

The whole of Venu Vinod Kunj was filled with cries of distress by now. We searched frantically for him all over the place and came back without any success.

A piece of paper was found at the head of Shriji's bed in which it was written, “ I am leaving. This year I do not have to go to Gorakhpur. Do not try and search for me. Nobody should be dejected, sad or worried. I will return on my own accord after a few days.”

On looking at Shriji's belongings we found that he had not taken anything with him. He had left with just the clothes he was wearing. Everyone's anxiety increased all the more on knowing this fact. Shriji had to be give medicines after meals but he had not taken any of them along with him.

Everybody's sorrow knew no bounds now as well as their  appetite for food and even tea was lost. That fateful night neither dinner was cooked nor did anybody eat a bite. Everyone was contemplating as to where they should go and look for Shriji.  Shri Banwariji came over from Delhi and he too was drowned in sorrow. Somehow or the other the night passed. Nobody took tea etc., even the morning. Everyone became mutually busy, reflecting as to what should be the next course of action.

Shriji had been saying for the past several days that he would reside in seclusion for a span of six months. Everyone was very worried thinking that Shriji was already very weak, and in addition he had left without clothes, medicines, belongings and the needful arrangements. What would he do, what would he eat, where would he stay, who would give him medicines? These thoughts were tugging at everyone's heartstrings.

“ There is no worldly objective in my going away. It is my own purpose. Until that is realized I will have to live in seclusion by myself. It could take four, six or eight months at the maximum,” Shriji used to say.

How could we live for so long without him? What would be our plight? About thirty- five years ago Shriji had slipped away quietly in this fashion. That earlier painful memory was revived. Telegrams and letters were sent and phone calls were frantically made all over. 

Khurja, Bulandshar

Banwariji of Delhi was sent to Khurja in Bulandshahr to look for Shriji. Even that day was spent by everyone without having any food or drink and nobody ate a morsel at night. Soon after, everyone retired to their respective rooms. At 12:30 in the night someone knocked at the entrance door. On opening the door Swami Shri Ramji and Govind Goyal, Shiv Kumar's son, were seen standing. There was a ray of hope on seeing their cheerful expressions.

It had so happened that Banwariji had gone to Shiv Kumar's house in Khurja from Shri Dham. Shriji was not to be found there. Soon after, Govind and he had left for Rameshji's place in Bulandshahr by scooter and found Shriji to be seated there.

Astonished at seeing both of them Shriji had asked seriously, “How have you come here?”

Both of them had made lame excuses.

” I have come to see a prospective groom for my daughter.” Banwariji had said.

 “ I have come to get my scooter repaired,”  Govind had piped in,

Shriji had been a bit doubtful but thought later that no one could track him down in such a short while.

“ Don't tell anyone of my coming here,” Shriji had told these people,

Both of them had bowed to Shriji and left. Banwariji had gone to Delhi while Govind had left for Vrindavan to quietly pass on this information. He had reached Mathura at 12 o' clock in the night. Taking his maternal uncle's scooter he had planned to get to Vrindavan. 

Krishna Janambhoomi

When he was passing by in front of Lord Krishna's janambhoomi[5] the sound of 'Rasa' being performed by Swami Shri Ramji's troupe could be heard. Hearing Swamiji's voice he had gone to him and narrated the whole episode. The rasa performance had got over by now. Govind and Swami Shri Ramji were delighted at coming to know of Shriji's whereabouts. Taking the scooter of Swami Fateh Krishnaji, they had taken lots of prasad of the annakoot lila[6] enacted in the rasa, and reached Vrindavan at 12:30 in the night.

Coming to Venu Vinod Kunj they gave the good news to all of us. Everyone was very satisfied and members of Shriji's inner circle ate the prasad in joy.

Buldandshar

Ghanshyamji and Govind left for Bulandshahr in the morning. Ghanshyamji left Govind at Khurja and reached Rameshji's house by himself. A taxi was standing at the door.

On his entering, Shriji was somewhat taken aback.

 “How did you manage to come here?” he asked in astonishment.

Ghanshyami bowed at Shriji's feet and kept mum. Shriji clearly understood what was going on. He made Ghanshyamji have refreshments and sitting with him in the taxi, left for Faridabad.

On coming to Shri Vrindavan Dham Ghanshyamji revealed, “ Shriji's facial expression had appeared to very serious at that point in time. His eyes had become red. It appeared he might leave me behind and go away.”

They managed to reach Faridabad somehow. 

Panchkula

Staying there for a day they went to Panchkula. Ghanshyamji had sent all this information to Shri Dham by phone.