Shri Balkrishna Das ji Maharaj Ardently Longs for Krishna
The first
favour had been bestowed on Shri Maharajji when the siddh[1]
Mahatama had appeared before him at Pawnan Sarowar and blessed him. Five years
had passed since then. In fact, Shri Maharaj ji's state of anguish was escalating
gradually. The last two of these five years had been spent in such a way that
he did not see the rising and setting sun. He would get up at 3 o' clock, early
in the morning and sitting in the cave, be engaged in bhajan; stepping
out at seven in the evening for bhiksha. He was so engrossed in
worshipping Lord Krishna that he never knew which month, which date, which day
and which festival it was. Maharaj ji did not come into contact with people
during this time span. It is simply not possible for this pen to describe the
unfathomable pangs of separation he suffered during the last six months of this
two year period.
The Divine Jatani
The distress of separation reached its zenith after the
cowherdess (jatani) had vanished. The tears streaming down his cheeks
would never dry up, as he wept day in and day out. The daily routine of bathing
and other chores had become disorderly and eating was just nominal. Sleep would
perhaps come at times but very rarely. Ceaseless shedding of tears showered
from his eyes like Sawan and Bhadon, the peak months of the rainy season. His
body had turned very pale.
Saint Meerabai Yearns for Krishna
The following
lines emanating from the heart of Chittor's Meera who was suffering from the
pangs of separation, were clearly recurring again:
“ ankhiyan
jal sukhat nahin kabhun, ur bich bahat panare,”
“divas na
bhukh neend nahin raina,”
“ankhiyan
hari darshan ki pyasi,”
which mean:
“ Neither is
there hunger in the day nor sleep at night. “
“My eyes are
thirsty to behold Hari.”
Sri Siksastakam
I am reminded
of Love Incarnate Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu's shloka described in the
Siksatakam:[2]
'yugayitam
nimeshen chakchusha-pravrishayitam |
shoonyayitam jagat sarvam, govind virhen
mey ||'
"My
Beloved Krishna! A moment of separation seems like millions of years have
passed without you. Tears from my eyes never stop for a moment. The whole world
has become blank. There remains no charm for me. Oh, my Beloved Govind, Your
separation has made me so."
This was
precisely Maharaj ji's condition. Uddhava Kyari was the only place he visited ;
from his retreat in the cave he would go to the Uddhava Kyari and walk back to
the cave from the Kyari.
The Uddhava Kyari
Shri Maharaj
ji would spend most of his time in the Uddhava Kyari now. He would count the string of tear beads not
the string of basil beads with blue-hued Krishna being reflected in each tear
drop. The night would be spent sitting on the platform of Uddhava Kyari. It is
here that the parcel of Uddhava's knowledge had been swept away by the water of
Braj cowherdesses' tears. It seemed Maharaj ji was bathing Uddhavaji in the
river of his tears of love as he sat on the same platform. Lovingly embracing
the grove's kadamba trees he had watered them with lovelorn tears, several
times. The 'unmanifest' One was Himself impatient to appear in that quiet
desolate kadamba forest and those pitch dark nights but what was that Youth
waiting for, He alone knows.
A Kadamba Tree
The dark witnesses, the trees of the kadamba grove
were the ones who had listened to the dialogue between Uddhava and the
gopis. They too had shed tears in the
agony of the gopikas' separation from Krishna. The trees would surely have
narrated the tale of Maharaj ji’s anguish to Krishna, the Supreme Lover. To
assume that dark-hued Krishna would still not be pleased with Maharaj ji who
had constantly enthroned Supreme Lover Krishna in his heart for the past six
months is beyond imagination.
It is beyond narration to talk of the three
grand nights when beloved Krishna came as a cowherd boy to accept Maharajji's
worship. Dark-hued Krishna was in the process of giving which boon on being
pleased by Maharaj ji’s great adulation is difficult to say. Only these two or
the kadamba trees in the Uddhava Kyari could have known of this matter.
However, we
can certainly arrive at a conclusion from the following episode:
The Moonlit Night
'It was the
first night of the three great nights which have already been referred to.
Moonbeams were filtering in through the thick leaves of kadamba trees on that
moonlit midnight in Uddhava Kyari. Only the heart-rending sobbing of a lovelorn
heart was audible in that night of pin drop silence. Kneeling down with one
knee of his on the floor of Uddhava's platform, resting his left cheek on the
palm of his left arm which rested on the standing knee, Maharajji was engrossed
in propitiating the beloved Ruler of his life or in other words he was offering
preciously strung tear pearls to his Supreme Lover.
Krishna, the Cowherd
At that very
moment, a cowherd boy arrived amidst the two kadamba trees which stood in front
of Maharajji from God knows where, and could be seen roaming about, gently
stepping here and there. The eyes of lovelorn Maharaj ji saw Him but his
discerning power had vanished because of being steeped in the infinite ocean of
anguish. The sweet form of Krishna dressed in yellow garments, adorned with a
peacock tail's eye-shaped moonlike feather, matching the charm of millions of
Kamdevs, bright sapphire-hued Krishna had pervaded Maharajji's heart and every
fibre of his being as well as all his senses. Though he was suffering the
anguish of separation, Maharajji was steeped in the joy of blissful union with
Krishna. There was no place for any other form in his heart or eyes.
Sri Padyavali by Srila Rupa Goswami
Srila Rupa
Gosvami quotes in his Padyavali:
' sangama
viraha vikalpe varam iha viraho na sangamas tasyah |
ek ek sange virahe tanmayam jagat || '
'When I
consider the difference between union and separation, I think that separation
is better,' says Shri Radhika.
In the state
of complete absorption a loving devotee feels no distinction between separation
and union as they are both in perfect harmony with each other.
Where was the
time to think of why that beautiful cowherd boy had come to that lonely
desolate place at midnight? The young cowherd was roaming about freely. It is
quite possible that He would stealthily gaze at the one He was looking for with
a sidelong glance. He could be seen pacing up and down on seeing the plight of
his devotee suffering pangs of separation but it was difficult to ascertain
whether this was true.
A Cowherd Taking Cows for Grazing
Plunging into
the infinite ocean of agony Maharaj ji’s entire night passed by. He did not
even know when the cowherd boy had left. On hearing the bustle of cowherds
taking cows for grazing, he regained a bit of external consciousness in the
morning. Getting up, Shri Balkrishna Das ji Maharaj staggered towards the cave.
That day
dragged by somehow or the other. Maharajji came to the Uddhava Kyari by the
time it was evening. Hysterical weeping started once more in that state. He had
no inkling of when the evening passed by and how far the night had gone.
Cowherd Krishna
It was
the hour of midnight and the same boy in the guise of a cowherd began strolling
between the two kadamba trees. Maharajji's gaze fell on the young boy but he
was devoid of any thought. The whole night passed by once again without
awareness of the boy's departure. The bustle of cowherds woke Maharaj ji next
morning and he trudged back to his retreat in the cave. Today also passed by
somehow and the third night dawned. Maharajji was sitting at the seat of
Uddhava Kyari and stringing tears.
Krishna, the Supreme Cowherd Boy
The cowherd boy was seen strolling between
the two kadamba trees with a leisurely gait on this moonlit midnight, as he had
done on the previous two nights. Today also Maharajji saw Him but he was lost
in the realm of the anguish of separation.
Ineffably Beautiful Adolescent Krishna
All of a
sudden, a radiant blue lustre flashed beneath those two kadamba trees. The
novel shape of an adolescent youth, loaded with the charm of millions of
Kamdevs, an ineffably beautiful form churning millions of hearts in the three
bhuvanas, manifested instead of that cowherd boy. The marvellous charm of
dark-hued Krishna's refulgence was dazzling on all sides with a blue lustre.
Tender compassion was flowing in a perpetual stream from His sharp reddish
eyes. Through tear strung eyes Shri Maharajji saw the sea of splendour which
stood in front of him, intently gazing at the ripe fruit of his unbroken,
continuous and profound anguish.
Dark-hued Krishna's Lotus Feet
His heart leaped and Maharajji's hands clasped
the lotus feet of the Lord with lightning speed, clinging tightly to those
lotus-tender, soft, sacred cool feet. Washing the holy feet of the Supreme
Lover with his never ending tears till date, Maharajji felt thoroughly blessed.
His sadhana had got its desired fulfillment. Krishna, the Supreme Lover
was pleased and His pair of arms were eagerly desirous and excited to embrace someone
who was 'His very own’.
Supreme Lover Krishna Lifts Maharaj ji
Both His huge arms bent downwards to lift Shri
Maharajji, embracing him, dark-hued Krishna bound him in a tight hug. The water
of affection and peace giving coolness was bestowed from Krishna's wide chest
which was adorned with the kaustabh mani[3].
It can't be said for how long this passionate embrace persisted.'
Supreme Lover Krishna Passionately Embraces His Sakhi
This is an external description depicted by the author but Shri Maharajji's internal state was totally different. According to Maharajji's statement he was always forgetful about his natural svarupa[4]. In fact, the instant Lord Krishna appeared, he found himself in the form of a sakhi[5]. It would be correct to say that a beloved
sakhi was clinging to the tender, sacred, cool, lotus feet of the Supreme Lover. Finding her after a long separation, the Supreme Lover had lifted her with both His arms and
bound her in a
passionate embrace. Both of them were speechless in their blissful union.
Dark-hued Krishna Decked with the Vanamala
The adornment of Lord Krishna was striking. Bursting through His yellow silk garments, rows of blue rays were flashing forth. A garland of forest flowers extending to the knees, was swinging on His uncovered chest. Nature was illumined by the lustre of His body. The vanamala was braided with picturesque, multi-coloured, fragrant flowers. Kissing the cheeks, deep black curly locks of glossy hair were waving on both His shoulders. There was no mukut[6] but He was wearing a beautiful braid of flowers on the head. His lotus hands were holding the flute. Both the wrists were decorated with beautiful flower bracelets. Likewise, the arms were adorned with flower ornaments. Gold anklets were twinkling on His feet.
A moment later the lips of Supreme Lover Krishna, trembled. Tinged with a slight smile, a sweet speech emerged from an ecstatic throat, showering nectar,” I will come again.”
Dark-hued Krishna in a Romantic Dalliance with Shri Radha
Lord Krishna instantly vanished with this sentence. One
can’t say for how long Shri Maharajji remained unconscious, lost in the realm of bhavas or love flowing towards the Lord. In this state of religious rapture, he came to know that Lord Krishna was romantically dallying with
Shri Radha Rani in Barsana. On seeing the highly agonized state of Shri Maharajji, He had come for a few moments in the midst of a dalliance.
That is why after assuring, “ I will come again,” dark-hued Krishna had gone back
immediately and joined the romantic dalliance with Radha Rani. The floral embellishments which were adorning His body had been
put up by Shri Kishoriji with Her own hands.
After a while Shri Maharajji became conscious of the external world. He was overwhelmed by the hang-over of this religious ecstasy. Assuming the svarupa of an eternal gopi he had had a blissful union with the Supreme Lover. This eternal spiritual identity became perpetually established and he did not remember his natural physical identity which was lost for ever.
Maharajji got busy in serving the Divine with the sakhi bhava [7]. Daily he would pluck beautiful fragrant flowers from the blossoming creeper thickets of Shri Van and make lovely garlands out of them.
A Sakhi Taking the Garland to Krishna
A sakhi came to him every day, took the garland and made Lord Krishna wear it. This is a matter of the divine spiritual realm and it does not have the slightest connection with the natural body or mundane world. This state of bhava continued for several days.
A change could
be seen in Shri Maharaji's bhava
after some time. In this state of spiritual consciousness Maharajji felt as if Lord Krishna
was sulking but he could not know its cause. Moreover, Maharajji had come to Goverdhan from Nandgaon in this very mood. There was a change in his state after a few days. He felt that Lord Krishna, the Supreme Lover, was very pleased and had awarded him the topmost position amongst the circle of sakhis. In his forever realized sakhi svarupa, Maharajji would fervently carry a fine bordered silk kachani, a comb and a cute little mirror
in a gold plate for the Supreme Lover. Maharaj
ji would put the cloth around His loins with his own hands, comb
His curly locks with the comb, and dressing up Shyam Sunder beautifully, show the mirror to Him. This sequence of sweet service went on for several days. Steeped in the ocean of bhavas, his beauty beholden heart continued to dress Lord Krishna in the best of finery:
Decking Krishna with Flowers
' gopi-swarupamadhigamya chidatmakam tam
malyan vidhaya tulsi-dal mallikabhih |
adhaya bhushann dukulasukachh pattan,
krishnapriya priyamupaiti lata-nikunje ||
nirmaaya divya-kusumairmannibandh mauli-
keyur-bandh-kati-pad vibhushnnani |
tambul-darpann-sukankatikangraga,
nnadhaya yati rasika paricharika sa || '
which means:
'The beloved of Krishna in her pure contemplative consciousness makes garlands of holy basil leaves and 'mallika'(jasmine like) flowers and also takes decorative articles like a shawl covering the shoulders, the lion cloth etc; and approaches Him under the cluster of creepers.
'The beauty relishing sakh of Lord Krishna is proceeding towards Him after making ornaments of various divine flowers for His head, arms, waist and feet; taking betel leaf, mirror, comb, aromatic unguents and cosmetics for Him.'
After a face to face meeting with Krishna, the Supreme Lover, in Uddhava Kyari, a period of six months was spent mainly in these three states of bhavadashas Relishing the eternal romantic dalliance of Lord Krishna in his nitya svarupa had become
Maharajji's exclusive life now. His connection with inertness of the material world had completely snapped. The existence of his natural body was solely dependent on divine inspiration and command. Maharajji was now fully immersed in the divine realm of lilas with his
eternal identity.
Madhur Rasa of Gopi Svarupa
What more can be said other than hailing the triumph of this great soul who was overwhelmed with the madhur rasa of a gopi svarupa:
' jayatu jayatu kunje kant-shringar lagna ,
jayatu jayatu mugdha krishnaleela-nimagna |
jayatu jayatu kanta-kaumudee-rashmi dhara,
jayatu jayatu gopi prem-piyush-sara |
'
'Applausive hail to the one engrossed in decking the dear Lord,
Applausive hail to the one enchanted with the divine play of Krishna.
Applausive hail to the flow of moonbeams cascading from the beloved,
Applausive hail to the gopi as an essence of the nectar of love.'
Shri Balkrishna Das ji Maharaj Always Wore a Black Blanket
Shri Maharajji started roaming about freely on this earth now.God had to get some work done for the well-being of mankind from him. He resided for some time in Goverdhan and kept wandering in the Braj region during that time span. His mode of living was the same as before; a small loin-cloth, a sheet and a small black blanket on top of it. He had been constantly covering himself with the black blanket for twelve years, in almost all the seasons. Maharajji never sat before anybody with
his bare body. He did not even have a utensil during this period of journeying.
Parikrama Marg, Goverdhan
Shri Maharajji had once
come to Mathura. One fine day he was struck by a whim to go to Goverdhan at
midnight. He got up and set out just as he was for Goverdhan. It was the summer
season. He reached Goverdhan on foot, did the fourteen mile circumambulation
and started back for Mathura. He had barely come halfway when two saints who
were former acquaintances met him. On their insistence he went back to
Goverdhan, did the circumambulation again with them, and came to Mathura on
foot. This was a feat beyond human power. Maharajji did not feel any sort of
exhaustion and had the same beaming face apparently. Such things did not affect
his heart because of divine fervour. Some unknown energy would make him
undertake such strenuous acts.
A Blooming Blue Lotus
Seeing the unique, lustrous face of Maharjji
blooming like a blue lotus no one could guess that his body was so lean and
thin. Every bone of his could be counted from top to toe. His eyes were bright,
sentimental and forever reddish in colour.
Once Shri Hari Baba had
said during a satsang in Udiya Baba's ashram that the one whose face is
blossoming and radiant like a lotus in spite of eating plain insipid food and
having a very frail body, is a true saint and sadhaka[8].
Maharajji had never seen ghi or milk during the period when he lived as an
ascetic.
Shri Govind Dev ji Mandir, Vrindavan
During his sojourn of Braj,
Shri Maharajji would often come to Vrindavan and stay here for several days.
Daily he would have darshan of Shri Bihariji and see the Rasa Lila without
fail. He begged for a little bhiksha from any kshetra , rested at
either the Shri Harivanshiji Mandir or Shri Govind Devji Mandir, the Cheer
Ghat, Keshi Ghat, Dawanal Kund and so on. In summers, the banks of the Yamuna
would usually be the place where he took rest. In joyous abandon Maharajji
would wander about freely but secretly in Vrindavan; without any
acquaintanceship with anyone. People
would naturally be attracted to him on seeing his blissful joy, asceticism and
beaming face. The locks of hair swaying on his shoulders were charming even on
not being oiled. Several people were infatuated by his delightful locks and
pleasing gait but he always tried to avoid public contact.
After the darshan of Shri
Bihariji if Maharajji sometimes sat on the temple's platform and a crowd
would gather there itself. Some would prostrate before him, others would offer
sweets to him and yet others would stand next to him and keep adulating him.
Some people would request him to visit their homes. He tried to put them off as
far as possible. When Shriji saw someone insisting strongly he would go to his
house for a while. Eating a bit of food and after a short spiritual discourse
he would take leave. Though he would take what was lovingly given to him
Maharajji would quickly distribute those things or give them to someone needy
as soon as that person left.
Shri Banke Bihari ji
After the darshan of Shri
Bihariji if Maharajji sometimes sat on the temple's platform and a crowd
would gather there itself. Some would prostrate before him, others would offer
sweets to him and yet others would stand next to him and keep adulating him.
Some people would request him to visit their homes. He tried to put them off as
far as possible. When Shriji saw someone insisting strongly he would go to his
house for a while. Eating a bit of food and after a short spiritual discourse
he would take leave. Though he would take what was lovingly given to him
Maharajji would quickly distribute those things or give them to someone needy
as soon as that person left.
[1] Siddh: perfected
and sanctified by penance
[2] Shikchastak: eight
verses revealed by Chaitanya
Mahaprabhu, which explain the
science of devotion
[3] Mani: gem
[4] Svarupa eternal spiritual
identity
[5] Sakhi:
[6] Mukut: crown
[7] Sakhi bhava:
of sweet total commitment,
love and service to
Krishna
[8] Sadhaka: spiritual
aspirant
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