1955 - 56
With Love Jai Radhe Shyam!
…Well, let’s come back to the same story. I had written about the persona of a crazed Brajbala in my last letter. Now listen further to what happened. I am sending you this write up from ‘Kalyan’.
“She has sighted Manmohan (captivating, an epithet of Lord Krishna) passing from her door. The incidence triggered off frenzied absorption in the infinite beauty of lotus-eyed Shyam Sundar. With not a moment of respite, she has virtually converted the entrance and courtyard of her house into one. You never know when he may pass that way. Her vision is glued to the path, flitting back over and over again. The pathos of longing grips her; she pines for him day in and day out.engrossed in the multi-hued array of her dreams,
Gradually but radically this fascination transforms into divine madness.
Intoxicated and lifeless she constantly hovers around Nand Bhavan (residence of Lord Krishna son of Nand) on some pretext; not revealing the purpose of her lovelorn state and her ardent longing for Lord Krishna. After all love is a trove of silence not to be flaunted about. Eagerly desirous, every moment she awaits his arrival. Lighting a lamp in her residence, she darts back to the door-probably imagining the footfalls of her elusive Priya (Lord Krishna) in her own footsteps. But the darkness which reflects within…the terrifying darkness of despair, she wants to enlighten with the bright rays of hope. How can that gloom possibly be dispelled by the lamp of this bhavan. How long the succeeding episodes of the pathos of longing and joys of belonging continued, who can possibly tell?
She passes three hours in the courtyard of Yashoda, gathering broken fragments of several strewn emotions tugging at her heart strings. Finally she has darshan or sights Mohan (epithet of Lord Krishna). How clever she is! So steeped in the love of Krishna is her heart that while Brahmans may only aspire for reaching the state of oneness with the Lord, she has already attained it by a glimpse of him. So pure are her thoughts that she constantly savours its glorious essence deep within.
The tale goes on further but I will probably narrate it the next time.
Vimla Ji! I always get stuck on reaching this juncture; the cry of the enraptured soul for union with God. Is one ever endowed with ecstatic bliss? But probably in the spiritual realm every moment of fervent longing is termed as divine gratification. I can not say about others but do assure myself that smug complacency invariably causes damage. If one is not intensely desirous, yearning for union with the divine then life will be an empty arid stretch what else…you tell me! At one end I see you sing the glory of Lord Krishna, loving him constantly, freely and without purpose. Observing you also does not spark off desire in this unfeeling heart.
You bestow such strength on me that in whichever condition the Almighty keeps me in…I can reciprocate with joyous abandon.
Respectfully with love,