With tenderness and teasing, mischief and spontaneity, Krishna passionately draws his hungering devotees. A heart steeped in his madhurya or sweet love exuded through his acts and gestures, his words and his flute, his clothes and his sports can not be interested in the mundane.
Shri Radha-Krishna the yugal sarkar or sacred couple were a witness to Bobo's activities and reigned over her devotional imagination.
Ushaji was thirty years old, as of now. Singing the glories of Krishna, she felt like discarding all other social constraints.Isolation would make her often sit in close proximity to Shri Thakur in maun or a vow of absolute silence. The dark-hued god was observing her desire to move in a delicious anguish for union with her teasing, elusive and insistent paramour.
Probably the matter dates back to September 1955 when he fixed the time span as one and a half years for her to be detached from all fronts. She could envision the idyllic and sensuous Vrindavan where the lyrical Yamuna flows and the perfect landscape is besprinkled with the dust of Krishna's feet.
The examination days seemed like decades. Often she mused,"Soon, I will be released from these refrains and spend time in attending to the needs of Thakurji. I will pester him, cajole him, adorn him, pamper him and develop an all-consuming intimacy with the Lord. For several years his loving tenderness helped me fulfill my responsibilities." Doing duties relegated by Krishna, she was focused on the perennial quest of mankind for a divine and transcendental love. Another birthday passed by in this process and her departure drew closer.
Possibly this was the last year and final session of her regime at the school. She submitted her resignation to the managing committee. It seemed as if lightning had struck. The matter was concealed and had merely reached the teachers. Teary-eyed and perturbed they went to Bahenji. The committee made an indefatigable endeavour to convince her but in vain. Throngs of people headed towards her.Seeing love streaming down their eyes and their plight, she silently reassured them.
Slowly this issue leaked to the students. The whole lot ran from their classes and wept with sobs wracking their frames. The day had dawned with joyous ecstasy for Bahenji but had dampened several hearts with dejection. Hordes of girls ran to question Bahenji about her decision but could not muster courage on seeing her serious demeanour.
It rarely happens that rasikas steeped in the love of the handsome god, who have relished the joy of Vrindavan's blossoming kunjas and winding creepers caressing the trunks of trees, who have savoured the tribhang form (of angular posture as Krishna depicted playing the flute with bent legs, hips and neck) of Krishna, waiver from their stand. Shri Billavmangalji Maharaj affirms that compassion can impede those who want to live a life dedicated to Krishna, the colour of the condensed sky.
It was quite late. Bahenji got up and headed home. The sound of sobbing could be heard, nature was numbed and the chirping of birds was quietened.The satsang bhavan where leelas of Krishna had been narrated for ages, strived to attract her. The trees and creepers seemed to lament the painful separation.The empty classes, four-walled office and, chairs and tables posited there were silently grieved. As revered Bahenji got up to leave her saree got entangled in a shrub. It seemed as if the plant was trying to stop her with its spirited antic as the last resort.
The scene had not yet settled. Loving towards students,she was not merely a teacher but their sister, mother and a well-meaning friend. Along with education she sowed the seeds of spirituality and even those who were not inclined towards religious devotion were blessed by her presence.
The Shivalaya and enclave of five deities, who were familiar to her scurrying around, doing several parikramas and her proximity, watched stupefied.
Resplendent in their temple, Laxmi-Narayan were visible in the Radha-Krishna form for her.Once fatigued she had come with devotees.Covering her with his patka or sash, Lord Narayan lifted her and took her into the shrine as Krishna.
The second day had dawned and everyone was wary about the outcome. One girl took up a banner and shouted slogans on assembling the students," Bring back Bahenji! You must give in,Bahenji." The campaign was led by Vimla Vaidh to Usahji's residence. An uneasy silence loomed, soon after.
Bahenji accepted their greetings and explained," I am here. All of you can drop in when convenient." Possibly this assurance succeeded in pacifying the surging resentment. Wiping tears, the girls left. A semblance of normalcy set in with this facility of interacting with Bahenji intact.
She was completely free from the workload of school now.The Sanatan Dharam Sabha had reluctantly accepted her resignation. Gradually her heart moved by the students' ardent entreaties was also calmed. Time was usually spent in Shri Thakur Seva and in recounting his divine play. She had never been interested in idle gossip.
While invigilating students who came to study, she saw a scene with eyes wide open." The girls were giving their examination and she sighted a new dalliance of Radha-Krishna simultaneously.
"You,(handsome Krishna) were engrossed in doing Shr Radha's shringar while she was thrilled by your touch. After adorning and making her go into a trance, you enacted several beautiful dance mudras to captivate her. But these sakhis are no less shrewd and they caught you red-handed. The cowherds also spotted your secret move but gullible as they are, could not grasp a thing."
Reflecting on God and sighting his divine play is not destined but a matter of personal experience. Saints invariably see the dark-hued god wherever they look. Therefore her body, mind and eyes were apparently invigilating the students while relishing the amorous frolic of Radha-Krishna alongside. This joyous abandon can not be assayed by logic and nor does a man with inhibitions have any stand here.
One fine day seeing her passionate longing for Vrindavan her father opined," You can go to Vrindavan but return in two days." She wanted to clarify that it would be tough to do so once she left but he would misunderstand. However it struck her that it was a perfect chance to depart hurriedly.
She reflected," I have never done anything stealthily. I will leave for Vrindavan in the presence of everyone and only after taking permission." The eldest, she shared a friendly rapport with her father due to her mature perspective. Once he made her promise," You will not go to Vrindavan as long as I am alive. And take me along, in case you do ."Gullible at that point of time, she had conceded. Even on coming to Delhi, she thought of returning to Ambala.
Being naive she firmly believed that if one had hiccups someone very dear was missing you. All of a sudden she remembered Krishna, the supreme lover and the hiccups stopped. Her absent-mindedness transformed in to the deeper ecstasies of devotion.She wondered, " Does he truly remember us or bear us in mind?" But there was no need of any proof as of now.