Shri Vrindavan Dhaam
21st July 1970
With love, Jai Shri Hari.
I was going through the padas of Shri Nagridasji some days back. One of the verses had me in splits of laughter. Seeing the staggering gait, mussed clothes, intoxicated eyes of a cowherdess afflicted with divine madness, another impassioned sakhi cornered her, asking about her well-being. Though there was no need because her irrepressible joy, impassioned persona and clumsy actions gave away the trance-like state on their own accord.
However eager for an amorous frolic, when the onlooking sakhi asked the reason for her condition, the crazed Brajbala, raved in delicious anguish,' Sakhi! What should I reveal...that day...yes a magical spell enchanted me that very day...I went to fill water at the well as always. Lifting my eyes I saw the capricious dark-hued handsome Krishna, the repository of loving tenderness, all of a sudden.
Beer (friend) I was stupefied; my lively temperament completely absorbed in his beauteous form. He too did not utter a word and coming close instantly, lifted the water pot and perched it on my head. Truly sakhi, I made no ardent entreaty! He voluntarily helped out and I could not react even as of now.The supreme lover read some enchanting mantra, making me reach the heights of elation and ecstasy.
I lost my presence of mind and what more sakhi! While he was placing the water pot on my head, I was engulfed by surges of exquisite desire to possess Krishna singularly and without cease. The union beneath of exchanging glances, reciprocated my love for Krishna and it was thus made complete! Aali (woman's female friend), what is my fault? Those eyes were teasing and insistent. Both his tender dark hands held the pot, sturdy arms seemed like raised lotuses and attractive dark gaze peeped triumphantly into my lowered eyes. The most intimate transcendental exchange and a lot more!
But how can I possibly narrate the erotic episode' Dai hansi deethni son nilaj nai see sain.' The eyes with their enchantment had made me crazy but now it was disastrous as I lost the rest of my senses. Though conscious my condition has transformed ever since!
I must say, Krishna, the quintessential romantic hero is completely brazen. Exuding a mysterious and sometimes terrifying rush of love from his budding lips, he burst forth into my heart with mischief and spontaneity, tenderness and teasing. Obviously shy, how could I construe these love-gestures and messages.
I had heard of his sidelong glances beckoning cowherdesses but the insistent look was absolutely new. Intoxicated with divine madness I am helpless! Striving to regain good sense, how should I express my distraught condition. Ever since on fire with desire for Krishna, I head home at times and wander in the forest occasionally.
Curbing my exquisite desire for the amorous play that is delightful, I stay home at night but have had sleepless nights since his eyes held mine. You suggest a way out to my predicament...Oh! 'The ache of physical separation.' Beer...just...don't...ask anything else...that's final!