Chapter 12: Principal Usha ji Comes into Contact with Saints

After education, acquiring knowledge, getting fame, contacting the best of people and becoming powerful in the mundane world, life is futile unless steeped in the love of Radha-Krishna.

The Eternal Quest of Mankind for Divine Love

The perennial quest of mankind is to be one with God. When we make the slightest effort to attain Radha,the divine feminine energy (shakti) and Krishna, the divine energetic source (shaktiman) they readily support us. There is instant peace and we easily obtain the company of saints willing to give us their blessings.

Revered Usha Bahenji Acquires Fame at a Young Age

Revered Bahen ji had acquired great fame at a young age and had immense respect for Indian literature.She had imbibed tales of the Shastras-Puranas abounding with knowledge and renunciation even before being born.

Yearning for Krishna, the Dark-hued Cowherd of Vrindavan

Apart from this Usha ji had a keen interest in poetry, and an inimitable principled manner of delivering her ideas. Alongside she ardently longed for the divine and was passionately drawn to Radha-Krishna. If devotees representing souls in search of salvation are hungry for the fulfillment of love, that beautiful dark-skinned cowherd of Vrindavan is hungry too.The very foundation of a religion of union is that the individual partial and manifest self must ultimately be joined with the universal, whole and un-manifest Self.

Her association with the Sanatan Dharmis was constant. Bahen ji was principal of the Sanatan Dharam Girls School. She had a particular interest in spirituality, profound knowledge of the Shastras-Puranas, and clear perspectives of the Bhagvad Gita. Great luminaries visiting Ambala were invariably impressed by this short-statured lady's teasing, spirited, speedy and mature opinion of the scriptures.

Handsome Krishna seeing His love-struck devotees gives support accordingly so that they move in delicious anguish to His side.

Ambala

This time several mahatmas, learned socialites and speakers were invited to the yearly sammelan of the Sanatan Dharam Sabha. Highly revered Udiya Baba, Shri Hari Baba, Shri Anandamayi Maa, Shri Gangeshv aranandji an expert at the Vedas, Shri Prabhudatt Brahmachari, Shri Swami Ganesh Dutt ji, Shri Binduji Maharaj and Shri Mukund Hariji Maharaj were all present, adding to the Sabha's pride.

Representing Ambala's Sanatan Dharam Sabha, Ushaji welcomed the array of guests. Doctrines were examined and she got a chance of personally talking with them on several religious issues.They were all impressed on hearing the unprecedented views of wide-eyed Bahen ji simply attired, attending to their needs, and managing the scene unpretentiously with a placid mind and loving tenderness.

Revered Bobo's self-effacing persona, a focused bhava of serving Thakurji, selfless reverence for Shri Mahaprabhu, adoration of Vrindavan, attraction for Braj and perspectives on many scriptures enraptured everyone present. Her in-depth review of the Gita was unheard of. This brilliant combination made her strike a close rapport with the saints and receive their blessings.

 Shri Udiya Baba

Shri Purnananda Tirtha ji Maharaj

A chance of sighting Udiya Baba's Annapurna Siddhi (goddess of agriculture and incarnation of Durga;siddhi acquisition of supernatural powers by worship of a deity) presented itself in Ambala. Foodstuffs had been arranged in plenty but they seemed not sufficent for the thronging newcomers.

A request was made to Shri Udiya Baba. He asked all the ingredients to be covered with a cloth and to be served after some time without removing the cover. The prasad was distributed with a generous hand but still there was enough leftover. Bahen ji narrated this incident she had seen in person. Baba had implicit faith in Brahma, the all pervading spirit of the universe, and was most accomplished in religious devotion.

Shri Hari Baba

Shri Hari Babaji

Usha ji had the good fortune to have darshan of Shri Hari Baba ji Maharaj several times in Ambala. Even after coming to Vrindavan she would often go to have a glimpse of Maharaj ji.

The main attraction which drew everyone to Hari Baba was the bhakti bhava of Shri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and the propagation of sankirtan. 

Impressed by his strict discipline of self-denial and conscientious observance of sankalp she had once raved, "He was a such a great devotee that the earth was blessed, the era was honoured and followers were enlightened by his calibre. Several festivals of Vrindavan were graced by his presence."

Shri Ananadamayi Maa

Shri Anandamayi Maa

Which devotee having serious interest in spirituality would be unacquainted with revered Maa's commendable lifestyle. Her character and persona are stotras of inspiration for ascetics.

Pujya Maa had also come along with Udiya Baba and Hari Baba. As of now Maa's loving nature and closeness had steeped followers in a different charm. On seeing a young boy absorbed in the joyous abandon of Maa, Bobo smiled at his spirited antics. When he asked her name she teasingly said that it was Krodhamayi ( one overpowered by anger). Maa came, strolling along. 

 Delightfully the boy shouted from a distance,"Maa, Maa! You are Anandamayi (blissful and joyous) and she is Krodhamayi." 

Maa stopped and looked at Bahen ji with great affection and smiled. Bobo had said that the sense of affinity and oneness she had experienced in that gaze was not possible in this mundane world.

At this end a few years before her death she got a message from Maa. During the span of her illness Santosh Bahen  ji, Dharam Bahen ji, Sushila Bahen ji and some others went for darshan to Anandamayi Maa's Vrindavan Ashram. All of them were overwhelmed by her closeness and affection.

Swami Gangeshwaranand

Shri Gangeshwaranand ji Maharaj

Highly revered Shri Maharaj had come along other saints to the yearly gathering of the Sanatan Dharam Sabha at Ambala. Inspite of being blind, his field of learning and knowledge of the Vedas was unparalleled.Discussing Indian literature with Bahen ji, he was pleased. Apart from this occasion he had come to Ambala many times and had personal contact with her. He always exulted about Bobo's noble modesty and simplicity, being impressed by her religious devotion, belief and tenderness.

Later on knowing that she had left Ambala and come to stay permanently in Vrindavan he began praising her immensely. 

With maternal fondness he rema," Usha what can I say about you! Everything was the same for you there also but the fact that you have come to Vrindavan is a matter of great joy."

Goswami Shri Bindu ji Maharaj

Goswami Shri Binduji Maharaj

Goswami ji's style of reciting the Ramayana has always been praiseworthy. He would often visit Ambala. Revered Bobo was considered an authority on the Ramcharitmanas. She almost knew the entire 'Ramayana', the poetic classic written by Tulsidas, by heart.

Shri Bindu ji Maharaj was invaribaly impressed by her sharp intellect and mature perspective. He said that it was virtually impossible to live a lifestyle of such austerity. 

'Shri Chaitanya Charitavali'

Shri Prabhudatt ji Brahmachari

On reading the sacred text 'Chaitanya-Charitavali' Bobo's was full of gratitude towards Shri Prabhudatt ji Brahmachari. She felt that this picturesque life sketch of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu had created an inspiring history for the world of devotees. On his coming to Ambala, she went to pay homage and greet him.

The subject expounded in the book, the use of language and appraising of bhavas are certainly the text's assets. The gushing of rasa is inevitable when the mind and perspectives are in tandem.

In Vrindavan also she went along with Sushila Bahen ji, Darshan Bahen ji, Uma Bahen ji to his ashram for darshan with Vijay accompanying them. He recognised her and met them with great warmth.  Highly pleased to know that she had come to Vrindavan permanently, he blessed her by coming home once or twice later on.

Dinanath Dinesh ji's translation of the padas of Shri Bhagvad Gita in pure Hindi was very admirable.Because of Bobo's powerful recitation of the Gita several people would come to study from her. Dinesh ji would praise her authoritative opinion and had great affection fro her.

Shri Mukundhari ji Maharaj's style of sankirtan was very impressive. Everyone would rave about his onomatopoeic quality  when he recited the Shri Radha Krishna Kripa Kataksha Stotras.

Chapter 11: Illness-Trip to Mussoorie

Bhaktimati Usha Bahenji

Great people are born with innate virtues. Religious devotion being their unique trait, they work for the well being of everyone, considering them to be their own. Their attribute is to have great respect for elders. Lovingly tender, they are an open book and above all absorbed in God. Revered Bobo had these inherent qualities of affection, sincerity, humility along with unprecedented spiritual experiences. Every fiber of her being was dedicated to Shyama-Shyam.

Mussoorie, a Hill Station in India

We have said earlier that Bahen ji's health was detereorating. Fever had ravaged her and weakness worsened her ailment. Being duty-conscious and detached to her body, she turned more feeble. All well wishers and family members suggested going to a hill station and relaxing in seclusion which was not feasible in Ambala. A change and the pristine environs made them decide on going to Mussoorie. Usha ji went to the queen of hill stations with Vimla Tandon and Sanyukta Mishra in June 1954.

Dark-hued Krishna Visible Amidst Gathered Clouds

Even though the fields, forests down to the streams of Mussoorie had a pristine innocence she was not at peace. The thick tall trees, colourful flower beds and the all pervading silence of nature had her somewhat absorbed. The picturesque beauty appeared like Vrindavan and she longed for the closeness of Thakurji The beauty of Krishna was reflected amid gathered clouds and she often questioned Him as to why He had got her there.

 At times she could hear, "I need you." 

Repeating Meera's line," Mai ri, your Shyam has understood my longing," and translating Umar Khayyam couplet she often murmured,

"And Thou

Beside me singing in the wilderness-
And wilderness is paradise now."

Supreme Lover Krishna Bathing with the Gopis on Sharad Poornima

As she admired the night bathed in moonlight on poornima a sentence of Mahaprabhu Chaitanya Mahadev tugged her heart strings," Today is the day of full moon when you can meet your Supreme Lover (Krishna)". 

She recollected the miracle of the Raas Lila of Krishna's manifestation as human lover and divine incarnate, dancing with the gopis in the forest of Madhuvana and bathing with them in the waters of Yamuna on the radiant night of Sharad Poornima. Identifying herself with the gopis,she reproached Krishna, as she was intensely desirous of having the dark god's attention.

Fleeting thoughts and joyous seclusion led to Bobo's recouping health. Spending some time in Mussoorie, she returned to Ambala. In the month of March 1955 she had to check results of the school's annual examinations. Getting free around six in the evening, she heard the Ramayana being recited. 

 And saw the Lord's divine play which is narrated in her own word:

"These eyes sometimes closed and open at times saw a scene which was captivating. I was ecstatic to observe your loving tenderness showered on me.

I felt like laughing at Your spirited antics. Shri Radhika trudging through thick bushes in a kunja was looking for You while you tiptoed behind Her. She could not sense your presence but when She was bewildered on reaching the midst of the dense kunja You stunned Her by placing Your hand on Her shoulder. Scared, She clung to You in desperation. It was so dark that I could merely see that You sat down with Her leaning on You.

Suddenly the voices of sakhis startled You and I saw Radha peeping from behind a thicket of creepers. You left from the backside and then speedily mingled with the sakhis from the other side. Seeing You, they were thrilled. They inquired about Kishori ji and You cleverly said,' Find her. Come, I will look along with you. Let's see who finds Her first.'

Kanhaiya Looks for Shri Radha

You are certainly a clever shiromani. Purposely you went and sat in another kunja and made a seat of green grass for the sakhis.

As a matter of chance they went to the same kunja where Radha was and beholding her enthused,' Kishori! Kanhaiya is also on the look out for you.' 

Smiling she suggested,' Come let's look for Him. He may not ramble far away looking for me.' 

She is your replication after all and no less shrewd. Obviously She knew where You could be found and went to the same kunja.

Radha Rani Playing the Flute

All of them saw you serenely reclined on a boulder. Those simple cowherdesses thought that you were tired and disappointed in your search. When they came close and asked about Your state You replied that You knew they would come here and had made a seat of grass for them. Instantly you took out the flute and began playing on the breath of love. Right then Radha ji also picked up a bamboo shoot and guess what it turned into a flute and played. Hearing the sound some other maidens were drawn there and You came out into the open forest with the lot. Right then, someone suggested going for a boat ride.

 Shri Radha-Krishna & Gopikas Enjoy a Boat Ride

One of them said it is a bit cold. I do not clearly recollect whether everyone sat in one boat or Shri Radhika and the earlier gopikas in one and the rest in another boat. Anyway splashing the flowing water you all laughed and made merry. The moon slowly rose, it was not poornima but half moon. Teasing comments ensued.

Someone or probably You exulted that there are countless full moons here, how can the half moon possibly compete with them. Instantly the melodious voice of a sakhi echoed. You and the other sakhis joined in the lilting melody. Precisely then, Shri Radhika's mellifluous song resounded making the other voices sound faint. 

Your heart-stealing voice could be heard before the sakhis could join in.

Sakhijan meri atihi sundari
Amit roop chavi dhaam.

Seeing the ethereal scene and hearing the sound I was startled. Soon after this enrapturing view vanished from my sight."

Several times wretchedness would outweigh the wave of delight invading Usha ji's heart. When an ardent longing for the closeness of Priya-Priyatam took over she would be agitated. 

 She would remind Krishna of His earlier assurances, "I am able to live life because of such reminiscences and Your closeness or else..."

Shri Radha Rani With Her Sakhis

She complained yet again," Svamini (Shri Radha) is very compassionate. Invariably, she instills her selfless and sweet feeling of love for You in everyone but has abandoned me. Why does She not give a bit of her rasa to this sakhi who attends to Her needs. My Supreme Lover, just remind Her of the boon She had granted when I was ailing and had promised me of your terrifying rush of love." (Radha's characterization in the literature of the Gaudiyas represents the highest ideal of religious rapture experienced through madhura rasa, the sentiment of sweet romance.)

The path of love is very strange. Pining is its nature and a constant yearning its form. An ardent longing adds to the cry of the individuated soul for union with the handsome god. Love-struck devotees casting off their work and all their worldly cares and moving in a delicious anguish to Krishna's side, are cleansed in a passionate desire for more and more of His love.

Shri Narada

Shri Narad ji, friend and devotee of Krishna, sees the love of the gopis as transcendental love of the highest order. Such love represents the purest emotion a soul may have for its divine source. Krishna exists intensely in their hearts when they sing His praise and dwells in their longing for him. Seeing blue-hued Krishna in front,the gopis are satiating their perennial quest and constantly hungering for more of His love.

Several times tears streamed down Usha ji's cheeks and she had sleepless nights. A seeker for the love of Krishna,she was pacified by sweet reminiscences as she searched for the ultimate reality.

The Bhagavad Gita

Several women would come to her for recitation of the 'Bhagvad Gita' and she spared time in her busy schedule. The exercise did not fatigue her but soothed her like a balm.

Once her father raised this matter angrily,"You are tired slogging throughout the day. Rest during the half-hour which you spend in reading the Gita.He replied harshly," You will feel its repercussions in old age when the senses become sluggish."

The matter ended there. Bahen ji was very depressed at this outburst. Kirtan, songs of a devotional nature, began in the evening. Strange apprehensions stormed her mind. Wrong words spoken against Thakurji pained her immensely and she was distressed.

As soon as kirtan got over, Bahen ji's father said affectionately,"Munno, come here."

Meekly she went to him. Teary-eyed he said, "Thakurji has enlightened me when the kirtan was going on." 

She was apprehensive that the earlier unpleasant scene may repeat itself.

Lord Krishna is Arjuna's Charioteer

Usha ji revealed,"But my delightful surprise knew no bounds when Babu ji told what You (Thakurji) had said, 'You scold her pointlessly. You must know that there is a vast difference in singing my glory and exertion due to worldly activities. Arjuna's arrows hit their targets because I was his charioteer. His wounds were healed the moment I caressed them. In the same manner fatigue of the mundane world is expelled by glorifying me. Why do you unnecessarily worry about her.'

Shri Shri Thakurji (the Lord's svarupa) had a living presence in all her talks and actions. In reality she had been born due to His wishes for fulfilling His task. She did the duties relegated to her with help of the handsome god who was a witness to every act of her's. Getting immense support of His assurances and relishing His leela at every step, she progressed spiritedly and fearlessly. Lighting the lives of several people, Bobo ji enflamed their desire for union with the divine.

Chapter 10: Teaching Career - An Earlier Reminiscence

Krishna Explains the Secret of Nishkama Karma to Arjuna

 Nishkama Karma or selfless motiveless action leads to bhakti and mukti. Karmas help in attaining Lord Krishna, with a passionate longing for His leelas or divine play, and is the means of acquiring swaraga. In the absence of self interest, the devotee pleases his favoured deity and gradually attains reverence, love and dedicated devotion for Him.

The Lotus Feet of Shri Radha-Krishna

 

Great sages have laid greater stress on acceptance than renunciation in the realm of bhakti. Offering our acts at the feet of Krishna, the Supreme Lover as well as Radha His beloved and by steeping ourselves in their love we become instinctively detached from the mundane world. It is essential to follow the course of karmas  until this condition arises on its own accord.

The Varna Ashram

The underlying essence is that there are two advantages of doing deeds in the Varna Ashram either it heads towards renunciation and we gain knowledge which in turn leads to salvation or ardently longing for God's kirtan and katha we acquire bhakti in the process.

Revered Bahen ji had got a proposition for opening a school. Her father was a man of independent ideas and simply could not support any unethical work of the insurance company which was not in accordance to his principles.This mindset hampered his success and he was forced to leave this job.

We have mentioned earlier that Bahen ji had passed her examination of the tenth class and she was fluent in several languages. Reputed people of Ambala Cantonment knew of her calibre.The Sanatan Dharmis requested her once again to start the school and she agreed. Gangeshwar Nand ji Maharaj, a renowned saint of Vrindavan, was invited and the foundation of the Sanatan Dharam Girls School was laid in the year 1942. Several students and their parents were drawn by Bahen ji's loving tenderness and her multi-faceted persona.

Working in the school for a span of roughly four years, her personal education continued simultaneously. In 1946 Usha ji appeared for B.A. Her marks in English were merely 44 on 140 and she could not pass. On getting the paper rechecked it was found that she had scored 94 per cent and it was a lapse on the clerk's part. She compassionately forgave the erring officer who begged her not to take any action. Appearing for the examination again, she got through with a first class.

Sanatan Dharam Mandir, Ambala

Usha Bahen ji became so popular among students, colleagues, neighbours, lovers of poetry, leaders of independent India, Congress workers, scholars, spiritualists and social-workers that a throng of admirers always longed for her company. The Sanatan Dharmis insisted that she should pitch in if a speaker did not turn up. A thundering voice at kavi sammelans, a perfect rendition at social festivals, spirited lectures at the assembly's functions and fervent speeches of nationalism were her forte.

The Upanishads

As a matter of chance the courtyard of Sanatan Dharam Temple and the school was the same, which doubled her responsiblity. Once a religious function was on and great saints and luminaries had been invited. Shankaracharyaji Maharaj, a guest, could not reach at the time of the sermon.The swelling crowd eager to hear him, turned restless. The Sanatan Dharmis requested their lovable Munno (Usha Bahenji) to help out. When she stood on the dais with her short stature and serious demeanour, the entire scene became serene. She began to speak, ardently citing examples of shlokas from the Upanishadas and Puranas, leaving the scholars spellbound.

After the lecture, Labbu Ram, a luminary, asked her if she had read the shlokas earlier otherwise how could she refer to them so easily. When members of the association questioned her father he proudly revealed that when this girl child was about to be born he would read out episodes of the Shastras and Puranas to her mother. The same reminiscences would spontaneously gush forth when she gave a speech.

At the other end, a certain event made her put in her resignation. Her father happened to be a great upholder of justice. The regime of Sanatan Dharam had to be followed with practicability which invariably led to differences of opinion and he resigned from the Sabha. Bahen ji also supported his rightful reasoning and stepped down from her post. The Sabha was aghast at this decision since students drawn to her unique style of teaching abandoned the school and headed for her residence.The Sanatan Dharmis requested her father once again and she took over charge of the school on his approval.

Freedom Movement of India

The freedom movement of India was at its peak and independence had been accepted in principle. Partition of the nation was certain. Hindus in present day India and Muslims in Pakistan were on the move. Several people left for Pakistan while others headed for India. In the multitude of uprooted people, Pandit Jai Narayan Sharma, working in the Post and Telegraph Department, came to Ambala along with his family. His daughter Shri Sushila Sharma became a close friend and colleague of Bahen ji. In the course of time they became inseparable as their mindsets were identical.

Shri Sushila Bahenji (right) with Bhaktimati Usha Bahenji

Sushila ji attained a divine and transcendent love which is the perennial quest of mankind and soon reached the deeper ecstasies of devotion. It seemed that her taking charge of the ultimate reality (revered Thakurji), had been predestined. Sushila Bahen ji is the one doing Thakurji's seva and attending to His needs with the utmost dedicated devotion.